I may have ANOTHER daughter out there!

It's been a long time since my last blog entry and one of the reasons is the beautiful little girl that you see in the picture above. On December 4, 2010 my life changed when Quinn Heiress Brielle McPherson entered the world. Since that day, my entire existence has been consumed by catering to her every need and whim. The truth of the matter is I am totally and unashamedly in love with this gift from God. In the six months since she was born I stopped caring about dating, partying, shopping, blogging, sleeping, traveling, etc. The only things I've really wanted to do were to see her EVERY day, buy her clothes and toys, and spend as much time with her as humanly possible. She has brought immeasurable joy into my life and I can't thank God enough for allowing me to be her father. However, also since her birth, there has been this gloomy presence lurking within my thoughts and dreams at night. I often wake up sweating and nearly in tears as a result of these reoccurring nightmares. It happened again EARLY this morning and despite my short and specific sexual history, I entertained for a moment if this haunting vision about me could actually be true. Do I really have another child out there that I don't know about?

Each time I have this dream the child gets older and more articulate. She is always either terribly angry with me or extremely depressed over my absence in her life. She often cites my public display of love for Quinn and my lavish spending on her as further indictment against me for how neglectful I've been to her, the young girl in the dreams. The first time I met her my response was truthful but unbelievable. In tears and lament, I told her that I simply forgot she ever existed and never meant to cause her any pain. But, while Quinn was wearing the best clothes I could find and eating expensive organic baby food, my other daughter was growing up sick and dejected in absolute poverty. While many days and nights Quinn slept  near me so I could ensure her safety, the forgotten daughter was in constant danger and had no one to protect her. As we conversed in my dream this morning, I couldn't help but notice the tongue ring and tattoos all over her body, even though she appeared to only be about 12 years old. Again, I was in tears trying to explain my absence and neglect but this time she was more resistant than ever to my excuses. By the end of the dream she hugged and kissed me because I promised to be more active in her life by facilitating daily family prayer, eating dinner with her at least once a week, and greeting her with a hug and kiss every time I see her. The joy and relief on her face after I made those promises to her indicated to me that she didn't want my money or possessions; she simply wanted me!

What I didn't mention is that I stopped being overly disturbed by these dreams a few months ago once I prayed and asked God what they meant. His response was simple. If I don't know anything else about God, I KNOW that He is a GREAT father! He has proven Himself in my life countless times throughout my years and He is the sole reason that I am still alive and blessed today. Despite my numerous failures and mistakes, God (my dad) has provided for me in every possible way and at every juncture in my life. James 1:17 says that EVERY good and perfect gift comes from the heavenly Father... Though His favor is totally undeserved, I have been a constant recipient of it as I have simply allowed and accepted it as His will and His thoughts towards me. Simply put, I have settled in my mind whether or not God loves me and wants to bless me with EVERY thing I need. However, there are so many people who, because of circumstances like poverty, sickness, molestation, rape, physical and verbal abuse (all of which I have sustained), who feel like the little girl in my dreams. They feel as though their Father has forgotten them. They may not feel as bad if it were not for the other kids that belong to Him that He obviously blesses and provides for. Something in me knew that the tongue ring on the 12 year old in my dream represented early sexual misconduct in her life. Likewise, many of those who feel forgotten by God are lascivious with how many times and how many people they share their body with. It nearly destroyed me as a father to know that my neglect had caused so much destruction in her life. I could barely speak to her because of how hard I was crying.

Before this gets too long, let me just get to the point. I feel God crying and lamenting over people who THINK He has forgotten them. I know from experience that He is so interested in having a relationship with us that He will go to any length to make it happen. However, we have allowed circumstances and people to prevent us from seeing God as he truly is. He is not like "me" in the dream: neglectful, absent, and unfair.  In Matthew 7:11 Jesus informs us that "if we, being evil, know how to give good gifts to our children, then how much more will our Father in heaven give good things to those who ask..." I'm so sure of God's goodness towards all mankind that I'm willing to bet my very life on this truth. The "neglected" girl in the dream responded to my promise to simply spend more time with her. She didn't ask me for new clothes, medicine for her sickness, or even to protect her. I think she was so content with my presence in her life that she knew that all of those other things would come with me. After all, she had seen the stuff I did for Quinn. Here's the punchline: If you feel forgotten by God because of whatever you are going through do NOT start worshipping "the solution" in place of God. If you are lonely don't focus on getting a spouse. If you are struggling to pay bills don't focus on getting more money. If you are sick don't even focus on getting well. Rather, place all of your focus on being convinced of God's goodness and promise to be present in your life. With His presence will be provision for everything you need! Matthew 6:33 instructs us to first seek (focus on) the kingdom of God (where His presence dwells) and all of the things we need will be given to us... 

Today, ANTicipate a rapid change in your life as you shift your focus from your problems to your solution, who is God! My reoccurring dream has renewed my passion to share His love with those who feel lost, last, or least. I've been there many times and faith in Him provoked Him to bring me out EVERY time!