Bank of America rejected my CIAA deposit!
Posted: Monday, March 5, 2012 by Anthony inI JUST left the bank after what was almost a VERY frustrating experience. For the last few months I have been without a photo ID. My license has been revoked for seemingly decades, so my state issued ID has been my only proof that I am Anthony Quinn McPherson. I've been too busy with CIAA events to go stand in line at the DMV to get another one. Anyway, I found it last week when I was making a withdrawal at the bank and I was SUPER excited. For weeks and months I had to ask other people to do stuff for me that I knew would require a photo ID. Well, I went to the bank today to make a deposit and when they asked for ID I reached in my wallet and it was gone AGAIN! I wasn't worried because I had just been in there a week ago when I found it. Surely, I thought, if they allowed me to take money out before I found it, they would allow me to put money in after losing it! However, the teller REFUSED to accept my deposit without proof of my identity. Needless to say, I was FRUSTRATED! It made no sense to me that I could withdraw from them without an ID but I could not deposit without one.
Then the Holy Spirit touched my heart and caused me to realize that this was a teaching moment...
For weeks, months, years, maybe even decades, (God just caused me to realize) that I had lost my (ID) identity. I've been a lesser version of the Anthony that He created and KNOWS me to be. Because of my loss of identity (ID) I've had to pull on other people to do things for me that I should be able to do for myself. In the "natural realm" they've had to drive me around, pay for things with their credit cards, etc because I lost my ID. Similarly, in the "spirit realm" I've relied on people to fill voids that only occur when you've lost your own identity (ID).
What pissed me off most today was that I JUST found my NC ID last week but lost it AGAIN so quickly. I realized today how similar that picture is to my real life! Despite spending time with God and discovering who I am to Him and who He is to me, it's SO easy for me to lose my ID in Him at any moment. I first lost it as a child after being molested. I recovered it but lost it again as a teenager when depression took over my life. Miraculously, I found my ID in God once more, but soon lost it when I failed High School and was forced to get a GED. It took me a while to regain my ID, and I thought I was secure, until my early twenties. It was then when I broke my vow of virginity until marriage and later ended up being cheated on and heart broken by the only girl I ever loved. I was sure I'd NEVER be whole again, but SOMEHOW God restored my ID and I started to trust people again, ONLY to be hurt even worse by someone else. That last blow almost permanently destroyed my ID! I was angry, bitter, spiteful, distracted, etc. Yet, not many people, other than those really close, could tell. I didn't care if I EVER found my ID again...
It hit me today why I haven't blogged in months, and why my prayer life has been so sporadic. I can WITHDRAW or TAKE from people without my true ID but I can't DEPOSIT or GIVE to anyone without being my true self! Who wants to hear or receive from an angry, hateful, or venomous heart? People are repelled by poison but attracted to kindness. The plot of the enemy was to use EVERYTHING that people (and myself) have done to me as a tool to remove my identity (ID). But today I thank God that He has a plan for those same hurts in my life. He desires to use them to humble me, which is to yield to Him and allow His nature and character to be formed in me.
I may be cussing somebody out on twitter tomorrow but I thank God that I'm on my way to executing His plan for the tragedies in my life, rather than allowing the enemy of my soul to win the battle for my character. I ANTicipate a MAJOR breakthrough and shift in my life as I open more of my heart to God's desire and method of healing!
FEEELING THE THOUGHTS BRO. KEEP DOIN UR THANG