For many weeks now the field that's connected to the track I walk around every morning has been closed. Likewise, every morning there's a man out there spraying the field and performing maintenance on it. I assumed it was closed for repair and that once the repairs were done it would reopen to resume normal activity. Well, when I drove up today I saw huge tents, carnival rides, games, a ferris wheel, a petting zoo, water slides, food trucks, a carousel, etc. To my surprise, the field wasn't closed simply to be REPAIRED from the normal activities hosted there. But, it was also being PREPARED to host something much greater! I didn't care who saw me as I lifted my hands and thanked God for the current closures and setbacks in my life. I realized more today how He's so loving that He'll only close your field to prepare you to host something greater than what took place in your life previously. Today, I yield to His correction and allow Him to perform maintenance on my life. I agree with Romans 8:18 ...what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal in us later! I never thought I'd hear myself say this but when I saw what the man was preparing the ground for, my response to God was, "Treat me like DIRT!!!"

I've lost track of exactly how long its been, but I've been exercising and gradually changing my diet as I endeavor to live a healthier and more disciplined lifestyle. Part of my new routine includes a daily walk around a local track. I typically use this time to focus my thoughts and have conversations with God. Even though I try to remain conscious of His presence all day long, it's during my early morning "walk with God" that my soul seems quiet enough for me to sense His Spirit more keenly. I know Him well enough these days to believe that He has no evil-intent towards me, but what I perceived Him saying to me today during our walk this morning kind of made me feel like an idiot...

If you follow me on Instagram you probably already know that I decided to go to Vegas for my birthday this year. However, what was supposed to be a weekend excursion turned into a TEN DAY extravaganza. It didn't take me but a few days in that atmosphere to realize that I wasn't ready to leave and that I needed more time to explore SIN CITY! And OH BOY did it live up to its name. I'll share as much as I can to set up my point for this blog entry. But, some stuff I simply can't/won't share because... well, you know the saying... what happens in Vegas, STAYS in Vegas...

Most Saturdays I allow my mother to pick up my 2 year old daughter so they can spend a few quality hours together. Somehow, those few hours end up being ALL DAY the majority of the time, but that's a story for another time. Let's talk about the incident that occurred between them this past weekend. About twenty minutes after my mother picked her up she called me and I could sense something different in her voice. She proceeded to ask me, "How do y'all discipline Quinn, since you don't whip/spank her?" I chuckled and asked, "What did she do?" My mother replied, "She keeps telling me NO and STOP!" I continued to chuckle and simply told her, "You better not HIT my child!"

Hopefully by now many of you know that I've started an accessories line in honor of my daughter, Quinn: www.QuinnOnline.com. She used to cry and whine all of the time for her mother's bangles, so I decided I'd just buy her some in her size. I quickly discovered that they were virtually impossible to find! Of course, I couldn't just let her go without so I commissioned local artisans to make some in her size. Little did I know, God had a plan all along that was set in motion the first time I saw her cry for her mother's bangles. Without Quinn's prompting and people's inquiries, I NEVER would have considered starting a line for children. But, that's not completely what this post is about...

Today's post is just an attempt to get my feet wet and start blogging again. I've been quiet but God's Spirit within me sure hasn't been. Over the last few months there has been a major shift in my life that is probably unseen to most people, but I'm sure it will eventually spill outward and become more apparent. Contrary to judgmental belief systems, I've had a relationship with God for a long time. However, like many, I've struggled to keep up with the lofty things He says about me. I often feel like I'm so far from the man that He sees when He views me through the lens of His intention. I continue to be baffled by how He treats me like the man He wants me to be, instead of the guy I act like I am. Somehow in the madness of that kind of love, I find myself drawn to Him and mysteriously becoming the very person He told me I was. There is so much in my heart that I can't type in this entry but in 2013 everyone will hopefully see more glimpses of that guy who looks and loves like God.

Father, today I ANTicipate that nothing can pluck me from Your hand or separate me from Your love because I fully acknowledge that I belong to You!

Side Note: I'm returning to my musical roots this year and some people are gonna be SHOCKED by what a few church runs and some studio effects can do! lol Soul.Search.Sing will take on many forms and I hope you'll join me for one of them! 

  Well I thought the blog was over but Quinn walked into my office, heard the song, and said she wanted to sing too. I turned the mic on and in ONE TAKE she HARMONIZED! World, get ready for whatever she plans to do!

I'll get on a plane when necessary but I don't enjoy flying. I'm pretty sure my "fear" is rooted in the lack of control I feel while I'm just sitting there allowing someone I can't see and whom I don't know to whisk me to a destination without any safety or navigational input from me other than my "ok" when I bought my ticket. When I do fly, the only reason I submit to the process is because I'm trying to get somewhere FAST that would otherwise take me forever, some place I can't stay on the ground and still arrive in a reasonable timeframe. As you can tell, I'm a control FREAK...

I woke up suddenly this morning after having what seemed like more than a dream, but instead a VISION from God. I don't know whether it was a nightmare, a wet dream, a warning, or all three. The "vision" was so diverse. At one point I was surrounded by beautiful women (some naked, for which I give God praise), then I almost drowned while kayaking/sightseeing in an exotic locale. In another scene, some guys were TRYING to beat me up, but I escaped and ended up with a bag full of money. So much more occurred but none of the specifics are really relevant to the message I was given the moment I awoke.

Recently, I setup an Instagram account for my daughter in an effort to promote the fall release of her debut baby accessories line. Despite my intentions to stick to my mission, it didn't take long for me to get sucked into the culture that exists on Instagram among parents who think they have the world's cutest kids. I ended up entering Quinn into a photo contest for @babies_with_swagg and she LOST! It honestly didn't bother me one bit until I woke up early this morning to pray. As I began to intercede for Quinn, an UNUSUAL travail overtook me and I began to cry uncontrollably (not because she lost, people). Actually, I'm still teary-eyed as I type this entry...

I woke up with a smile on my face this morning leftover from Fathers Day. I thought for sure I'd have an opportunity to blog about how much a perfect God loves us, if I can be recognized as a loving father by so many, despite how flawed I am... I guess that will have to happen on a later date because this morning, while in prayer, God wiped the smile right off my face. The bible says He chastens (corrects) those whom He loves and I got a little lecture from my Heavenly Dad for something inside me that's wrong...

Part of the reason I'm able to blog so much is because I believe God is ALWAYS speaking to us and I look for Him in every occurrence in my life. Since I believe, He has a purpose for my life and everything that happens in it, I'm ALWAYS asking Him to show me what He's trying to convey to me. On that premise, let me share with you the story about my recent trip to a strip club in Myrtle Beach...

I'm going to resist the temptation to prove that I am a decent writer by constructing some long and mysterious intro that pulls you in while trying to veil my point. Let's just jump straight in today! Yesterday, I got REALLY bored around 6:00pm, so I decided to put some clothes on Quinn (my daughter) and take her toy shopping at Target. After about an hour of looking around and trying to find the perfect gifts for her to enjoy, I settled on some electronic bubble machines and an indoor slide.

This is just a QUICK praise report. Yesterday, God woke me up EARLIER than usual to pray! (I wish He would put me on the after-noon prayer team!) Anyway, He told me to intercede for my Facebook and Twitter friends and followers and write whatever I feel in the process. He said He wanted to speak specifically through me to a someone who was a complete stranger to me. Despite my issues with having to wake up so early I obeyed and this was in my inbox today,  from a total stranger...

I JUST left the bank after what was almost a VERY frustrating experience. For the last few months I have been without a photo ID. My license has been revoked for seemingly decades, so my state issued ID has been my only proof that I am Anthony Quinn McPherson. I've been too busy with CIAA events to go stand in line at the DMV to get another one. Anyway, I found it last week when I was making a withdrawal at the bank and I was SUPER excited. For weeks and months I had to ask other people to do stuff for me that I knew would require a photo ID. Well, I went to the bank today to make a deposit and when they asked for ID I reached in my wallet and it was gone AGAIN! I wasn't worried because I had just been in there a week ago when I found it. Surely, I thought, if they allowed me to take money out before I found it, they would allow me to put money in after losing it! However, the teller REFUSED to accept my deposit without proof of my identity. Needless to say, I was FRUSTRATED! It made no sense to me that I could withdraw from them without an ID but I could not deposit without one.

Then the Holy Spirit touched my heart and caused me to realize that this was a teaching moment...

This morning I made a shocking discovery as I prepared to take a bath. I'm sure many of you will find this gross and TMI and, as a full grown man, it's pretty embarrassing to admit. I almost don't know how to say this, but I found a skid mark! Please don't judge me or stop reading here. I ONLY share this because it led me to consider an important spiritual principle.

I was in the shower the other morning praying, singing, etc... you know, just trying to start my day off practicing the presence of God. While doing so, I sensed God say to me that He never leaves home. Obviously, that sounds like a pretty boring life, so I was anxious for Him to explain. I didn't immediately grasp the gravity of that statement until I kept chewing on it and He elaborated a little more. Here's what He shared with me...

I was in the bathtub this morning crying as I thought about how wonderful God has been to me. I became so overwhelmed that I felt compelled to stop simply telling Him how wonderful He is, and to declare His greatness publicly! What greater format than twitter (http://twitter.com/anthonytheseer) to release a public rapid fire of thoughts and have a written record of what's on your heart! Let's just call today's entry a personal love letter to God, in the form of "tworship"...

The last few days have been filled with mixed emotions for me. I've not been overly happy or overly sad. There's just been a "blahness" about my existence. I'm tired of juggling bills, carrying other people's burdens, dealing with heartache, worrying about my future, etc. I know many will say that I'm not dealing with anything that EVERYONE in this world isn't dealing with too. Well, if this is all the world keeps offering me, I honestly don't want to stay in it ONE day longer. While reading my bible and praying this morning, I decided that TODAY will be my last day in this world!

While in the bathtub this morning I was meditating, worshipping, and doing a little praying for myself and other people when my heart became slightly heavy. It's no secret that times are really hard for lots of people and many find themselves struggling more than ever. However, that wasn't the main source of the unrest in my spirit. What hurts my heart most is the alarming increase of child abuse accusations that are popping up as people try to cope with the traumatic experiences in their lives.

I have nothing truly insightful to say other than children should be celebrated! There's no secret how much I love my daughter. I understand how God feels about me when I look into her eyes. Click "Continue Reading" to enjoy an original short-film highlighting her first halloween...

I like to believe that I'm a pretty decent person and I'm fairly happy with the man I'm becoming. However, I'll spare you the long drawn out attempt to create suspense before I get to the punch line of what's on my heart right now. Despite, my many unlisted great traits I have a HUGE character flaw that has almost crippled my life.

I woke up this morning feeling a little guilty over some mistakes I made recently. However, the strangest thing happened as soon as I began to rehearse my sins in my head. I sensed God's presence at war with my thought process. You see, YEARS of church has conditioned me to believe that God is angry with the sinner and ready to punish EVERY evil deed that I perform in this temple that He has given me. Surely, I should beat myself up and focus on my wrongdoings in order to show God how sorry I am and possibly attract a morsel of His mercy to be extended towards me in the form of forgiveness.  But what God revealed to me this morning literally KNOCKED ME UNCONSCIOUS!

There are few things that I can think of that are more aggravating than not being able to sleep. When my daughter was days and weeks old it was pretty hard adjusting to being forced to wake up several times throughout the night because of her crying. I didn't care how cute she was, she was getting on my nerves! She sleeps through the night now but sometimes I have to keep her awake until her bedtime to ensure that she adheres to her schedule and doesn't wake up before time. She HATES that! She doesn't care if I'm playing with her or talking to her, when she's sleepy she's CRANKY! Well, despite her ability to sleep all night now, I haven't slept well in months! Needless to say, it's been pretty aggravating. The frustrating part is I really think it's God's plan that I am so restless right now. To be REALLY honest, I think He wants to share something with me but He has a terrible communication problem...

It's been a long time since my last blog entry and one of the reasons is the beautiful little girl that you see in the picture above. On December 4, 2010 my life changed when Quinn Heiress Brielle McPherson entered the world. Since that day, my entire existence has been consumed by catering to her every need and whim. The truth of the matter is I am totally and unashamedly in love with this gift from God. In the six months since she was born I stopped caring about dating, partying, shopping, blogging, sleeping, traveling, etc. The only things I've really wanted to do were to see her EVERY day, buy her clothes and toys, and spend as much time with her as humanly possible. She has brought immeasurable joy into my life and I can't thank God enough for allowing me to be her father. However, also since her birth, there has been this gloomy presence lurking within my thoughts and dreams at night. I often wake up sweating and nearly in tears as a result of these reoccurring nightmares. It happened again EARLY this morning and despite my short and specific sexual history, I entertained for a moment if this haunting vision about me could actually be true. Do I really have another child out there that I don't know about?

I woke up this morning with the realization that I am harboring a terrible secret. It's actually been eating away at my soul for weeks but I never shared it with anyone because I honestly didn't feel like it was anyone else's business. However, I just can't move forward any longer until I free my conscience and admit what I can no longer hide. My only prayer is that my admission will inspire others to keep it real and confess they have the same secret!

Yesterday, I decided to take the long-term "booship" candidate out to eat and to the lake. Typical of a woman, it took her so long to get ready that my afternoon plans slowly turned into an evening agenda. By the time we reached the lake the sun was starting to set (yet somehow the temperature began to rise). There seemed to be a war waging between the beauty of the calm sun-glazed water and the radiance of Ms. X's glowing skin and piercing eyes. As each work of art battled for my undivided attention, I could feel myself losing control of the situation and being swept away by the salacious atmosphere. She must have also sensed my vulnerability as she gently leaned closer and whispered "kiss me." At that point there was nothing I could do but EXACTLY what she said. This was not the first time I had kissed her but there was something different in the air that ignited once our lips touched.

I couldn't blog yesterday because I spent most of the day at the hospital with my little brother. However, on Wednesday I briefly mentioned my childhood battle with molestation. Ironically (or divinely) I hear that Oprah is airing a show today where 200 men will admit they were molested as well. Since Oprah is God's twin sister (lol) I feel like He must want me to discuss my experience and process of healing a little more.

I've been gazing at this screen for a little while now, trying to figure out what to blog about this morning. I had a looooooong weekend and there are a million thoughts racing through my head. My heart is pounding so hard that I can feel my pulse throughout my whole body. My eyes are a little teary and there is a lump in my throat. I know by the time the sun comes up I'll be in full blown tears. You may wonder what is wrong with me. The answer is, NOTHING. It's actually the exact opposite. God has been so good to me that I am overwhelmed and unable to focus my thoughts this morning to produce a blog about any specific topic or occurrence. All I can seem to think about is how kind and gracious it is of the Ruler of the Universe to allow me to be in a relationship with Him. Though, He has done LOTS of great things for me, I'm more appreciative for His friendship and leadership. In other words, I'm grateful for His PRESENCE, not His PRESENTS. His Spirit abides with me and is far more valuable than ANYTHING in the universe. I'd sacrifice anything just to know He's with me. He continues to prove himself faithful to me and daily honors my lofty request: "God, have your way in my life." My soul thirsts and my spirit hungers for Him, and Him only. No amount of success, money, friends, or material gain could ever compare to the joy and fulfillment that has invaded my life as a result of His love for me. All I REALLY want to do is experience His love and share it with everybody else. I ANTicipate every opportunity possible to spread the love of Jesus to everyone who crosses my path.

He probably thinks I'm weird sometimes because of the way I look at him. I see myself in his eyes and I wonder how long his innocence will remain. By the time I was his age mine was long gone and the world was becoming an extremely ugly and hurtful place. While I'm staring, his eyes become crystal balls and I gaze into his future with hope that the same monsters that attacked me will leave him alone. When I'm done watching him, I often catch his glance fixed upon me. He seems to be looking for a preview of himself and what he might become. His words are proof. He asks to have my clothes, begs me to give him piano lessons, and tells me how much our time together means. The same eyes that were staring at him must look away before they start to water. He has no idea the extent of what I feel. We are twenty years apart but there is no one on earth closer. His texts literally make me cry. My prayers for him are violent and intense. God MUST hear me when I talk about him and make decrees over his life and future. It's now 7am and he'll be here in about thirty minutes. My mom will drop him off, but I will "pick him up." He's not heavy, he's my...

I spoke in a previous blog about my belief regarding the origin of dreams. There are probably more explanations available but I think our nocturnal visions originate from three possible sources. God is either speaking to us, the devil is trying to influence us, or our subconscious is having a blast. I guess I can make my grandmother happy and throw in that it may be something you ate. One of the beautiful things about relationship and intimacy with God is that He'll often give you inside information that you could NEVER have known otherwise. I woke up suddenly at 6am "on the dot" this morning after an interesting dream. Waking up suddenly "on the dot" early in the morning is always a sign to me that God has either spoken to me or wants to say something important to me. His words allow you to speak beyond yourself and say things that have not happened yet but will certainly occur. I can't mention all of the details of the dream but I do know that I am to share the warning that came with it. It was for me and at least one other person who will read this.

I'm well aware that there are MANY skeptics that question the existence of God and/or His concern with human affairs. There is nothing I can say in a few paragraphs that can convince anyone of His eternal presence and His desire to interact with humanity. For me the question has never been whether or not He will speak to me. It has always been whether or not I can hear Him. Despite His wealth and popularity, He has made Himself available for ANYONE to access Him. However, just like anyone who knows their value, He has reserved INTIMACY for people who pursue Him with passion and perseverance. There are SOME women you can take to McDonald's on a first date and then have THEIR cookies for dessert. But there are others with higher self-esteem and self-worth that will make you pursue them for a long time (hopefully even marry them) before they give you some. God is far too valuable to be EXPECTED to answer us and interact with us after we spit a little game and step to Him with some half-hearted and weak pursuit. He may every now and then show us a peak to get us interested, but ultimately He rewards those that DILIGENTLY seek Him (Hebrews 11:5-7).

I need to preface this post by stating emphatically that I am a heterosexual male. I don't say that to pass judgement on those who are not; I just don't want anyone to be confused by the story I'm about to share. I was a little scared to admit this but last night I went to the mall to help my friend find an outfit. Fellas, before you judge me, please hear me out! I'm grooming her to be a potential candidate for long-term "booship" but she needs a little wardrobe boost to match my swag! So, she graciously asked me to accompany her to NorthLake Mall (I prefer SouthPark) and I reluctantly accepted. Secretly, I was excited for the opportunity to dress a woman in clothes a MAN (me) wants to see her in!

Sometimes I think I have OCD. Occasionally, I scrub so hard in the shower that I irritate my skin. I'll redesign a flier 20 times before I'm satisfied and even then I have to force myself not to revisit it. My friends don't always enjoy working with me on projects because I can get pretty anal and micro-manage every phase of the process. My attention to detail is a gift and a curse. Most times, it serves me well but other times it multiplies my anxiety if my attention is focused on the wrong details. However, this morning during my meditation I believe I found the cure for my disease.

Dear Enemies,

I woke up this morning with you on my heart. I want to preface this letter by letting you know that I do NOT share your hatred. God has loved me so hard that He has literally squeezed the hate out of me. I'm well aware that I can't convince you of my sincerity or goodwill towards you, but my prayers will not cease on your behalf. I'm not completely sure what some of your motives are for disliking me but if I have truly earned your wrath, I apologize and ask your forgiveness. If you simply dislike me because of something you perceive and nothing that I've actually done to you, I honestly don't know what to do about that. Either way, please know that your opinion of me has NO effect on how God feels about me. He loves me just as much as He loves you and He refuses to stop blessing me based on your view of me. I'm tempted to hate you back and talk about you the same way you talk about me, but I'm so focused on my own life that I really don't have time to spare. I'll only hate those of you who have the power to alter my destiny and impede God's plan for my life. Since none of you do, the only response you'll get from me is LOVE. You'll never even know that I am aware of your gossip, hatred, or lies. Your attempts to hurt, curse, and hinder me have all failed. I harbor no ill-will towards you because nothing you have tried has actually worked. God has been so faithful to me, despite your opposition, that it has become impossible for me to take you seriously as an enemy. My prayer is that you would recognize His faithfulness in your lives as well and that you would give me less attention and give Him more. It doesn't matter what you want for me; I want the BEST for you! I pray for your protection and provision. I pray that you will be so blessed that I won't even cross your mind. As you hope for my downfall, I hope for your promotion. As you celebrate my failures, I mourn yours with you. As you focus on my faults, I highlight your good points. I pray for peace between us and I ANTicipate God's intervention in our relationships! Be forever blessed!

Love ALWAYS,
Anthony

I've been staying with a friend while I'm looking for a new place. It has been an interesting experience because I'm a little bougie when it comes to certain aspects of my life. Most people that know me will testify that I am extremely inviting and tolerant of all people. I don't care what you look like, where you live, or how much money you have. As a matter of fact, I can't stand to be around arrogant people or people who promote exclusivity. I get quiet and bored pretty quickly when people start talking about themselves and all of their achievements. I typically tend to downplay what I have unless I'm talking about God's graciousness to allow me to obtain it. Therefore, I have been able to overcome the absence of real hardwood floors or marble, the presence of faux granite counter-tops, and the lack of silence/privacy that exists within the thin walls of apartment living. The truth is I have adapted wonderfully and even began to enjoy my brief stay here. However, the ONE thing that I can't seem to extract from underneath my skin is the unrest I feel as I gaze upon the many luxury vehicles occupying parking spaces.

I'm going out of town this weekend and the first thing I want to do to is hit the strip club! However, I don't think I'm going to do it because I can't get my whole being to agree. I believe that everyone is made of three components: spirit, mind (soul), & body. My body is the only one that really wants to go. My mind knows it's a waste of money and my spirit has been reborn so he REALLY doesn't want me to go. As I evolve into the man that God designed for me to be I'm trying to keep "all three Anthonys" on the same page. It's not that I believe in some angry and emotional God that's ready to kill me for every little thing I do wrong. If that were the case, I wouldn't have lived pass 2 years old. My issue is that when I'm led by other parts of my being besides my spirit (which in now controlled by God's Spirit), I get in TROUBLE!

I've been working so hard for the last few days that I haven't had much time for anything else. I haven't talked on the phone (unless it was business), responded to emails, updated my facebook status, or even tweeted but a few little pitiful thoughts. To top it all off, I haven't been sleeping which has left me irritable and moody. I definitely didn't feel like blogging, because I only had ONE thing on my mind: WORKING! Despite all of this hard work, which supposedly pays off, there was still this great sense of worry inside me that I haven't been able to shake. I woke up this morning with the absence of peace, which is always my indicator that God (my peace) is not near. Fortunately, I've been here many times before and I know EXACTLY what to do! I'm quitting my job!

I have been drunk MANY times before on purpose but this weekend was an accident. I don't have time or energy to debate the scriptures with any "super christians" on whether or not "saints" can have a lil' sip. My understanding of scripture and my conversation with God permit me to partake of an occasional strong drink with a clear conscience. I actually miss my home church that served the "real thing" during communion. However, the bible is VERY clear in Ephesians 5:18 when it says, "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit." The only reason I violated this passage on Saturday was that I forgot to eat and my tolerance for alcohol consumption was severely decreased. I had no intention of getting drunk, but as I partook of my drink of choice for the evening (cranberry and vodka) the inevitable happened...

Last night I had a text message fight with some acquaintances that upset me pretty bad. Like most arguments, it begin over something fairly petty but ended up exploding into a heated battle with both sides warring to protect themselves. I was so focused on getting my point across and my questions answered that I didn't realize I was coming across as being disrespectful. However, the light bulb only took a few seconds to come on after I was CUSSED out via a rapid series of text messages that hit my phone like bullets. The words pierced my soul so deeply that my body had a physical reaction. I could feel my heart speeding up and my stomach becoming knotted. Despite my belief that I was "in the right," I immediately apologized. At that point it no longer mattered to me who was right or wrong, it just hurt me to know that I hurt someone else. All I wanted then was peace between us.

Yesterday, I spent most of my day helping my friend pick out a house. We toured several homes, along with the realtor and the seller's agent. I was hoping they'd reschedule because of the nonstop rain that we were experiencing in Charlotte, but apparently rain has no effect on people when they are working for commission. As we went from home to home and in room after room I began to get almost as excited as my friend, knowing that home ownership was about to become a reality. Eventually, everyone begin to ask my opinion about each home but I told them I was just there for moral support. In my mind I was really saying, "It doesn't matter what I think, she's already been approved." My only advice was, "Get EXACTLY what you want!" My friend has been involved in the NACA program and acquired pre-approval before initiating her search for a home.

Yesterday I received my first "negative" response to one of my posts. I placed the comments in that category, NOT because the person had an opposing view, but because of how it made me feel. I knew that in my effort to "keep it real" I'd encounter people who disagreed with some of my statements. However, I'm not yet emotionally equipped enough for my words to be twisted, my writings to be taken out of context, or my intentions to be misconstrued. I don't consider myself to be a great writer but I do place great effort into trying to convey my heart clearly. Whether ANYONE agrees with ANYTHING I say is irrelevant, but I would like to at least be understood.

I was a little upset with myself for letting the comments get to me and once I reassembled my emotions I started typing my reply to the person's concerns. I'm not sure if we came to an agreement but I definitely sensed a change in their tone after our conversation ended. I honestly think they understood me better and could feel where I was coming from. It was hours later that I realized something: THIS IS HOW GOD FEELS!

You can hate all you want but something in you will have to admit that I don't look too bad in this picture. I  took it on Sunday after I discovered that I was going to participate in a photo shoot in a few hours that may require me to take my shirt off. Despite several months of binge eating and inactivity, I immediately ran to the closet to get my weights and begin a rigorous training session. I started working out like I was on crack. (Do crackheads workout?) Anyway, you know what I mean. I was doing bicep curls, pushups, tricep isolation, shoulder sets, etc. I had ONE goal in mind: pump up my good qualities and focus the attention of the photographer to those regions.

Those who know me well are aware of how long I've been in a steamy affair with the church. It started when I was five years olds walking from the Double Oaks Community across Statesville Avenue to get to my Sunday service. I remember vividly the day I, still age five, gave Pastor Parker my hand and God my heart. I would wake up early on Sundays in ANTicipation of dressing up and going to church. My mother was young (22) and didn't always feel like going so I would cry until she would at least drop me off at the side door of the edifice. I literally grew up in the sanctuary. I led my first song in front of the congregation at age six and for the next 25 years I was either the worship leader, workshop facilitator, organist, pianist, choir director, intercessory prayer member, armor bearer, or one of many more titles I can't even remember. Needless to say, I developed a great affinity for what we call church and all that it represents.

After over 25 years of faithful dedication and service within local assemblies I walked away suddenly. Actually, what seemed sudden to everyone else was really the culmination of a 25+ year journey in my personal evolution. After giving all I could possibly give to bishops, pastors, churches, choirs, and congregations, I completely stopped going to church and I have not been back since February. I've finally lost my confidence...

I was honestly unprepared for all of the feedback that I received from yesterday's post. I spent most of my day responding to emails, tweets, and facebook comments regarding my "confession" and my admission of guilt. To say that I was deeply moved doesn't even scratch the surface of the range of emotion that I experienced. Eventually, I was forced to swallow my "WESTSIDE" pride and allow a couple of tears to escape my rusty tear ducts. EVERY comment was positive and I'm appreciative to all who took time to read my blog.

Call me naive but I am genuinely surprised by the media coverage and subsequent response from the general public regarding the allegations surrounding Bishop Eddie Long. I wasn't even searching for the story but found myself unable to escape the details as it seems like EVERY news station, facebook friend, and twitter follower had something to report about the bishop. Allegations and scandals occur everyday so I was not surprised by the lawsuits. What has me dumbfounded is the angry mob of "judges" in the court of public opinion that have already convicted him and sentenced him to exile from their flawless society. I have no idea whether he is guilty or not but I'm a little saddened and fearful because I do have knowledge of someone who has been involved in things a lot worse than what the bishop has been accused of. I'll avoid the temptation to speak about this evil bastard in third person and confess that "he" is me! I'm guilty! I am scum and I really don't deserve to live.