Yesterday, I spent most of my day helping my friend pick out a house. We toured several homes, along with the realtor and the seller's agent. I was hoping they'd reschedule because of the nonstop rain that we were experiencing in Charlotte, but apparently rain has no effect on people when they are working for commission. As we went from home to home and in room after room I began to get almost as excited as my friend, knowing that home ownership was about to become a reality. Eventually, everyone begin to ask my opinion about each home but I told them I was just there for moral support. In my mind I was really saying, "It doesn't matter what I think, she's already been approved." My only advice was, "Get EXACTLY what you want!" My friend has been involved in the NACA program and acquired pre-approval before initiating her search for a home.

Yesterday I received my first "negative" response to one of my posts. I placed the comments in that category, NOT because the person had an opposing view, but because of how it made me feel. I knew that in my effort to "keep it real" I'd encounter people who disagreed with some of my statements. However, I'm not yet emotionally equipped enough for my words to be twisted, my writings to be taken out of context, or my intentions to be misconstrued. I don't consider myself to be a great writer but I do place great effort into trying to convey my heart clearly. Whether ANYONE agrees with ANYTHING I say is irrelevant, but I would like to at least be understood.

I was a little upset with myself for letting the comments get to me and once I reassembled my emotions I started typing my reply to the person's concerns. I'm not sure if we came to an agreement but I definitely sensed a change in their tone after our conversation ended. I honestly think they understood me better and could feel where I was coming from. It was hours later that I realized something: THIS IS HOW GOD FEELS!

You can hate all you want but something in you will have to admit that I don't look too bad in this picture. I  took it on Sunday after I discovered that I was going to participate in a photo shoot in a few hours that may require me to take my shirt off. Despite several months of binge eating and inactivity, I immediately ran to the closet to get my weights and begin a rigorous training session. I started working out like I was on crack. (Do crackheads workout?) Anyway, you know what I mean. I was doing bicep curls, pushups, tricep isolation, shoulder sets, etc. I had ONE goal in mind: pump up my good qualities and focus the attention of the photographer to those regions.

Those who know me well are aware of how long I've been in a steamy affair with the church. It started when I was five years olds walking from the Double Oaks Community across Statesville Avenue to get to my Sunday service. I remember vividly the day I, still age five, gave Pastor Parker my hand and God my heart. I would wake up early on Sundays in ANTicipation of dressing up and going to church. My mother was young (22) and didn't always feel like going so I would cry until she would at least drop me off at the side door of the edifice. I literally grew up in the sanctuary. I led my first song in front of the congregation at age six and for the next 25 years I was either the worship leader, workshop facilitator, organist, pianist, choir director, intercessory prayer member, armor bearer, or one of many more titles I can't even remember. Needless to say, I developed a great affinity for what we call church and all that it represents.

After over 25 years of faithful dedication and service within local assemblies I walked away suddenly. Actually, what seemed sudden to everyone else was really the culmination of a 25+ year journey in my personal evolution. After giving all I could possibly give to bishops, pastors, churches, choirs, and congregations, I completely stopped going to church and I have not been back since February. I've finally lost my confidence...

I was honestly unprepared for all of the feedback that I received from yesterday's post. I spent most of my day responding to emails, tweets, and facebook comments regarding my "confession" and my admission of guilt. To say that I was deeply moved doesn't even scratch the surface of the range of emotion that I experienced. Eventually, I was forced to swallow my "WESTSIDE" pride and allow a couple of tears to escape my rusty tear ducts. EVERY comment was positive and I'm appreciative to all who took time to read my blog.

Call me naive but I am genuinely surprised by the media coverage and subsequent response from the general public regarding the allegations surrounding Bishop Eddie Long. I wasn't even searching for the story but found myself unable to escape the details as it seems like EVERY news station, facebook friend, and twitter follower had something to report about the bishop. Allegations and scandals occur everyday so I was not surprised by the lawsuits. What has me dumbfounded is the angry mob of "judges" in the court of public opinion that have already convicted him and sentenced him to exile from their flawless society. I have no idea whether he is guilty or not but I'm a little saddened and fearful because I do have knowledge of someone who has been involved in things a lot worse than what the bishop has been accused of. I'll avoid the temptation to speak about this evil bastard in third person and confess that "he" is me! I'm guilty! I am scum and I really don't deserve to live.

I just woke up from a very vivid dream that SEEMED to last all night! I don't know whether to be grateful or disturbed. During the dream I kept waking up and falling back asleep and each time a different girl was in my bed. I'll be honest and admit that two of them are girls I've actually had sex with before. You can stop reading now if you think this post is going somewhere because I can't promise you that there is a point. I will say, however, that I'm a little disturbed by the dream. You see I'm genuinely trying to make sure I don't repeat the mistakes of my past, yet I feel myself being tempted to be worse than ever.

Today marks a HUGE shift in my life. It may seem small to the world right now but it won't be long before Daily ANTicipation makes a significant impact on our culture. I say this without hesitation because this site will ultimately reflect the ONE who changed my life. I have been snatched from the pitch black darkness of years of depression that almost ended my life and thrown into the torrid spotlight that beams on those who achieve even moderate success in our growing city. My life is becoming the perfect picture of God's unlimited kindness to an unqualified man who simply believes and ANTicipates what HE says will SURELY take place! Join me as we laugh, cry, think, and prepare ourselves in Daily ANTicipation of a better life!

Now sing this brief song with me in ANTicipation...