I've lost my confidence!!!

Posted: Monday, September 27, 2010 by Anthony in

Those who know me well are aware of how long I've been in a steamy affair with the church. It started when I was five years olds walking from the Double Oaks Community across Statesville Avenue to get to my Sunday service. I remember vividly the day I, still age five, gave Pastor Parker my hand and God my heart. I would wake up early on Sundays in ANTicipation of dressing up and going to church. My mother was young (22) and didn't always feel like going so I would cry until she would at least drop me off at the side door of the edifice. I literally grew up in the sanctuary. I led my first song in front of the congregation at age six and for the next 25 years I was either the worship leader, workshop facilitator, organist, pianist, choir director, intercessory prayer member, armor bearer, or one of many more titles I can't even remember. Needless to say, I developed a great affinity for what we call church and all that it represents.

After over 25 years of faithful dedication and service within local assemblies I walked away suddenly. Actually, what seemed sudden to everyone else was really the culmination of a 25+ year journey in my personal evolution. After giving all I could possibly give to bishops, pastors, churches, choirs, and congregations, I completely stopped going to church and I have not been back since February. I've finally lost my confidence...

This whole Eddie Long saga is the perfect paint brush for me to use to illustrate why my confidence is gone. People of all faiths and no faith are chiming in about his legal woes. Every time a leader in the church community experiences scandal it polarizes humanity and creates heated discussions and debates. The "world" grins and uses it to justify why they don't go to church or practice "christianity." The "church" either crucifies the leader for making them "look bad" or condemns the "world" to hell for speaking against God's representative. There are simply far too many other opinions and persuasions to consider and mention here. It took me 25+ years to come up with my response to ALL sides of the argument: lose your confidence!

Phillipians 3:3 instructs us to put NO confidence in the flesh. The flesh represents man's ability and pedigree. If ANY man's sin (or accusation thereof) affects your relationship with God in any way then you haven't developed a relationship with God to begin with. I have spent enough time in the church and in the world to realize that we are all the same. There is just as much sin in the church (and in the pulpit) as there is in the club. Anyone that says by word or self-portrayal that they don't sin (whether hidden or overt) is a LIAR (I John 1:8)! The church and the world need to stop frontin' and hiding behind masks. The only thing that separates most of us is four walls. After struggling with my own evil desires and watching others in the church and outside of the church do the same, I finally lost all confidence in flesh and placed it totally in the finished work of Christ. The only "man" between me and God now is Jesus and because of Him God sees me as perfect. You can't apologize enough, do enough good works, pray enough, or even pretend to be good enough to make up for one sin you commit. Only God could satisfy himself enough to say your sins are forgiven and you are allowed friendship with me.

There is no freedom like losing ALL confidence in flesh. Salvation is not given because we work for it or earn it. It is a gift from God, through Christ, that we simply accept by believing He did ALL of the work for us. As you learn more about who Jesus is, ANTicipate losing all of your confidence in your ability to please God. He has pleased himself and now welcomes you to come closer and enter His pleasure! Being disappointed by people (including yourself) is one of the greatest blessings from God. It frees you to place your hope where it always should have been and passionately love people, knowing that He will now protect your interests.


  1. I see your point. You really do have to focus the word, not the person.

  1. Anthony says:

    Clarification: I have not lost confidence in the church at all. However, I have broadened my definition of church to exceed the gathering of believers on Sunday morning. We, who are loved by God, and respond accordingly, are the church. The body of Christ can't be limited to local congregations. Our bodies, not buildings or organized religion, form the temple of the Holy Spirit. The Kingdoms of this world have become the kingdoms of our God and of His Christ. As long as there are people who believe on Jesus, the church will never die or lose its power. It will continue to evolve until we reach a "perfect" man. My lost of confidence in flesh actually empowers me to experience the church in a new way. I can chew up the meat and spit out the bones!