I've been gazing at this screen for a little while now, trying to figure out what to blog about this morning. I had a looooooong weekend and there are a million thoughts racing through my head. My heart is pounding so hard that I can feel my pulse throughout my whole body. My eyes are a little teary and there is a lump in my throat. I know by the time the sun comes up I'll be in full blown tears. You may wonder what is wrong with me. The answer is, NOTHING. It's actually the exact opposite. God has been so good to me that I am overwhelmed and unable to focus my thoughts this morning to produce a blog about any specific topic or occurrence. All I can seem to think about is how kind and gracious it is of the Ruler of the Universe to allow me to be in a relationship with Him. Though, He has done LOTS of great things for me, I'm more appreciative for His friendship and leadership. In other words, I'm grateful for His PRESENCE, not His PRESENTS. His Spirit abides with me and is far more valuable than ANYTHING in the universe. I'd sacrifice anything just to know He's with me. He continues to prove himself faithful to me and daily honors my lofty request: "God, have your way in my life." My soul thirsts and my spirit hungers for Him, and Him only. No amount of success, money, friends, or material gain could ever compare to the joy and fulfillment that has invaded my life as a result of His love for me. All I REALLY want to do is experience His love and share it with everybody else. I ANTicipate every opportunity possible to spread the love of Jesus to everyone who crosses my path.

He probably thinks I'm weird sometimes because of the way I look at him. I see myself in his eyes and I wonder how long his innocence will remain. By the time I was his age mine was long gone and the world was becoming an extremely ugly and hurtful place. While I'm staring, his eyes become crystal balls and I gaze into his future with hope that the same monsters that attacked me will leave him alone. When I'm done watching him, I often catch his glance fixed upon me. He seems to be looking for a preview of himself and what he might become. His words are proof. He asks to have my clothes, begs me to give him piano lessons, and tells me how much our time together means. The same eyes that were staring at him must look away before they start to water. He has no idea the extent of what I feel. We are twenty years apart but there is no one on earth closer. His texts literally make me cry. My prayers for him are violent and intense. God MUST hear me when I talk about him and make decrees over his life and future. It's now 7am and he'll be here in about thirty minutes. My mom will drop him off, but I will "pick him up." He's not heavy, he's my...

I spoke in a previous blog about my belief regarding the origin of dreams. There are probably more explanations available but I think our nocturnal visions originate from three possible sources. God is either speaking to us, the devil is trying to influence us, or our subconscious is having a blast. I guess I can make my grandmother happy and throw in that it may be something you ate. One of the beautiful things about relationship and intimacy with God is that He'll often give you inside information that you could NEVER have known otherwise. I woke up suddenly at 6am "on the dot" this morning after an interesting dream. Waking up suddenly "on the dot" early in the morning is always a sign to me that God has either spoken to me or wants to say something important to me. His words allow you to speak beyond yourself and say things that have not happened yet but will certainly occur. I can't mention all of the details of the dream but I do know that I am to share the warning that came with it. It was for me and at least one other person who will read this.

I'm well aware that there are MANY skeptics that question the existence of God and/or His concern with human affairs. There is nothing I can say in a few paragraphs that can convince anyone of His eternal presence and His desire to interact with humanity. For me the question has never been whether or not He will speak to me. It has always been whether or not I can hear Him. Despite His wealth and popularity, He has made Himself available for ANYONE to access Him. However, just like anyone who knows their value, He has reserved INTIMACY for people who pursue Him with passion and perseverance. There are SOME women you can take to McDonald's on a first date and then have THEIR cookies for dessert. But there are others with higher self-esteem and self-worth that will make you pursue them for a long time (hopefully even marry them) before they give you some. God is far too valuable to be EXPECTED to answer us and interact with us after we spit a little game and step to Him with some half-hearted and weak pursuit. He may every now and then show us a peak to get us interested, but ultimately He rewards those that DILIGENTLY seek Him (Hebrews 11:5-7).

I need to preface this post by stating emphatically that I am a heterosexual male. I don't say that to pass judgement on those who are not; I just don't want anyone to be confused by the story I'm about to share. I was a little scared to admit this but last night I went to the mall to help my friend find an outfit. Fellas, before you judge me, please hear me out! I'm grooming her to be a potential candidate for long-term "booship" but she needs a little wardrobe boost to match my swag! So, she graciously asked me to accompany her to NorthLake Mall (I prefer SouthPark) and I reluctantly accepted. Secretly, I was excited for the opportunity to dress a woman in clothes a MAN (me) wants to see her in!

Sometimes I think I have OCD. Occasionally, I scrub so hard in the shower that I irritate my skin. I'll redesign a flier 20 times before I'm satisfied and even then I have to force myself not to revisit it. My friends don't always enjoy working with me on projects because I can get pretty anal and micro-manage every phase of the process. My attention to detail is a gift and a curse. Most times, it serves me well but other times it multiplies my anxiety if my attention is focused on the wrong details. However, this morning during my meditation I believe I found the cure for my disease.

Dear Enemies,

I woke up this morning with you on my heart. I want to preface this letter by letting you know that I do NOT share your hatred. God has loved me so hard that He has literally squeezed the hate out of me. I'm well aware that I can't convince you of my sincerity or goodwill towards you, but my prayers will not cease on your behalf. I'm not completely sure what some of your motives are for disliking me but if I have truly earned your wrath, I apologize and ask your forgiveness. If you simply dislike me because of something you perceive and nothing that I've actually done to you, I honestly don't know what to do about that. Either way, please know that your opinion of me has NO effect on how God feels about me. He loves me just as much as He loves you and He refuses to stop blessing me based on your view of me. I'm tempted to hate you back and talk about you the same way you talk about me, but I'm so focused on my own life that I really don't have time to spare. I'll only hate those of you who have the power to alter my destiny and impede God's plan for my life. Since none of you do, the only response you'll get from me is LOVE. You'll never even know that I am aware of your gossip, hatred, or lies. Your attempts to hurt, curse, and hinder me have all failed. I harbor no ill-will towards you because nothing you have tried has actually worked. God has been so faithful to me, despite your opposition, that it has become impossible for me to take you seriously as an enemy. My prayer is that you would recognize His faithfulness in your lives as well and that you would give me less attention and give Him more. It doesn't matter what you want for me; I want the BEST for you! I pray for your protection and provision. I pray that you will be so blessed that I won't even cross your mind. As you hope for my downfall, I hope for your promotion. As you celebrate my failures, I mourn yours with you. As you focus on my faults, I highlight your good points. I pray for peace between us and I ANTicipate God's intervention in our relationships! Be forever blessed!

Love ALWAYS,
Anthony

I've been staying with a friend while I'm looking for a new place. It has been an interesting experience because I'm a little bougie when it comes to certain aspects of my life. Most people that know me will testify that I am extremely inviting and tolerant of all people. I don't care what you look like, where you live, or how much money you have. As a matter of fact, I can't stand to be around arrogant people or people who promote exclusivity. I get quiet and bored pretty quickly when people start talking about themselves and all of their achievements. I typically tend to downplay what I have unless I'm talking about God's graciousness to allow me to obtain it. Therefore, I have been able to overcome the absence of real hardwood floors or marble, the presence of faux granite counter-tops, and the lack of silence/privacy that exists within the thin walls of apartment living. The truth is I have adapted wonderfully and even began to enjoy my brief stay here. However, the ONE thing that I can't seem to extract from underneath my skin is the unrest I feel as I gaze upon the many luxury vehicles occupying parking spaces.

I'm going out of town this weekend and the first thing I want to do to is hit the strip club! However, I don't think I'm going to do it because I can't get my whole being to agree. I believe that everyone is made of three components: spirit, mind (soul), & body. My body is the only one that really wants to go. My mind knows it's a waste of money and my spirit has been reborn so he REALLY doesn't want me to go. As I evolve into the man that God designed for me to be I'm trying to keep "all three Anthonys" on the same page. It's not that I believe in some angry and emotional God that's ready to kill me for every little thing I do wrong. If that were the case, I wouldn't have lived pass 2 years old. My issue is that when I'm led by other parts of my being besides my spirit (which in now controlled by God's Spirit), I get in TROUBLE!

I've been working so hard for the last few days that I haven't had much time for anything else. I haven't talked on the phone (unless it was business), responded to emails, updated my facebook status, or even tweeted but a few little pitiful thoughts. To top it all off, I haven't been sleeping which has left me irritable and moody. I definitely didn't feel like blogging, because I only had ONE thing on my mind: WORKING! Despite all of this hard work, which supposedly pays off, there was still this great sense of worry inside me that I haven't been able to shake. I woke up this morning with the absence of peace, which is always my indicator that God (my peace) is not near. Fortunately, I've been here many times before and I know EXACTLY what to do! I'm quitting my job!

I have been drunk MANY times before on purpose but this weekend was an accident. I don't have time or energy to debate the scriptures with any "super christians" on whether or not "saints" can have a lil' sip. My understanding of scripture and my conversation with God permit me to partake of an occasional strong drink with a clear conscience. I actually miss my home church that served the "real thing" during communion. However, the bible is VERY clear in Ephesians 5:18 when it says, "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit." The only reason I violated this passage on Saturday was that I forgot to eat and my tolerance for alcohol consumption was severely decreased. I had no intention of getting drunk, but as I partook of my drink of choice for the evening (cranberry and vodka) the inevitable happened...

Last night I had a text message fight with some acquaintances that upset me pretty bad. Like most arguments, it begin over something fairly petty but ended up exploding into a heated battle with both sides warring to protect themselves. I was so focused on getting my point across and my questions answered that I didn't realize I was coming across as being disrespectful. However, the light bulb only took a few seconds to come on after I was CUSSED out via a rapid series of text messages that hit my phone like bullets. The words pierced my soul so deeply that my body had a physical reaction. I could feel my heart speeding up and my stomach becoming knotted. Despite my belief that I was "in the right," I immediately apologized. At that point it no longer mattered to me who was right or wrong, it just hurt me to know that I hurt someone else. All I wanted then was peace between us.