I'm tempted to just forget God!

Posted: Monday, October 11, 2010 by Anthony in

I've been staying with a friend while I'm looking for a new place. It has been an interesting experience because I'm a little bougie when it comes to certain aspects of my life. Most people that know me will testify that I am extremely inviting and tolerant of all people. I don't care what you look like, where you live, or how much money you have. As a matter of fact, I can't stand to be around arrogant people or people who promote exclusivity. I get quiet and bored pretty quickly when people start talking about themselves and all of their achievements. I typically tend to downplay what I have unless I'm talking about God's graciousness to allow me to obtain it. Therefore, I have been able to overcome the absence of real hardwood floors or marble, the presence of faux granite counter-tops, and the lack of silence/privacy that exists within the thin walls of apartment living. The truth is I have adapted wonderfully and even began to enjoy my brief stay here. However, the ONE thing that I can't seem to extract from underneath my skin is the unrest I feel as I gaze upon the many luxury vehicles occupying parking spaces.

Ordinarily, I'm not one to pass judgement on other people's life choices, but it seems like there are misplaced priorities when you make a large investment and park it against a temporary situation. I can't wrap my brain around the concept of a 2011 Range Rover or Mercedes owner walking into a one bedroom APARTMENT. I've been praising myself for being smarter with my money this year and telling my roommate how stupid those people are until I read Matthew 6:19-20. It instructs us not to store up treasure on earth (in things and people) because they can be changed, lost, or stolen. Instead, store up your treasure in heaven (God) where it can not be touched. It explains the reason for this warning when it says, "...where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

I NEEDED this warning because while I was reprimanding my neighbors for making huge investments in luxury vehicles instead of a permanent place to stay, I've been playing with that same fire in my own life. Over the years I've made HUGE investments in relationships, jobs, lust, and so on. I poured the treasure of all of my time, energy, love, hate, money, thoughts, and emotions into people, employers, relationships, sex, etc. Needless to say, the writer of Matthew 6 was on point when he said, your heart will follow your treasure. You can't give that much of yourself to anything without your heart becoming tied to it. I missed every warning sign along the way and only realized how dangerous my investments were once ALL of them proved temporary and left me emotionally and spiritually bankrupt. Though God has restored me, I still cringe when I think about the time I wasted chasing things and people that ended up changing or being lost/stolen. I no longer have any doubts that THAT energy and time would have been better spent chasing God, who has never changed or hurt me.

Today, God has blessed me with a couple of successful business ventures, a possible wifey, and some other things that my heart desires. With the prospect of a bright future on the horizon, I'm experiencing the temptation to invest more energy in the gifts rather than the giver. My track record is replete with failure because of instances where I gave more focus to things and people than to the one who blessed me in the first place.

While I was away this weekend I didn't spend much time with God. I went to the mall and spent over $200 on ONE outfit for my 11 yr old brother because he said He wants to dress like me. I was a little disappointed when he liked the clothes so much that he ran home and texted me a picture of him in them instead of spending a little more time talking to me and maybe giving me an extra hug. I bought them for him to enjoy but I wanted Him to be more excited about the love between us than the actual clothes. I feel God tugging on my heart as He reminds me that He does not want me to run away or get carried away with the blessings. He doesn't want me to use business ventures as an excuse to work more and spend less time with Him. He doesn't want a new relationship to pull me away from His plan for my life because of sexual desire or whatever else.

I ANTicipate prayer from those who read this blog as my honest desire is not to place my treasure (heart) into things that are less meaningful and powerful than God. I ANTicipate greater results than my human effort good ever produce as I keep my heart in His hands and make investments into His plan for my life.


  1. Anonymous says:

    Powerful blog today Anthony... God is really using you in this. It's really helping me to change my perspective on life and what I've been chasing after... Thanks for reminding me that I need to Chase after God, not sex or things... God bless!

  1. Anonymous says:

    Reconciling the material and the spiritual. Always appreciate how God uses you through your writing.

    Live Well,

  1. Pervis says:

    Awesome word Anthony...Always on point. Our Father is truly using you to touch many, and open the eyes of a few...Keep writing m friend!

  1. Anthony says:

    Your words are heavy Anonymous! God bless you for reading and finding something useful!

    @Tramuel I can't help but take those words to heart. To be used by God is an honor, especially when others declare it, since its a little difficult to readily see it myself!

    @Pervis Again, you have echoed and confirmed God's word to me. All three of you said "used by God." I'm humbled and blessed!